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Sunday, May 30, 2010

Its been minute since I was on here, sorry...I just got back from a very much needed trip. Time, space, distance usually helps me get back to the middle and enables me to refocus my thinking.

One of the biggest flaws I have is procrastination and the inability to speak my mind for fear that I might upset someone...even if it affects me negatively.
I always put other and their feelings above my own and most of the time it backfires and instead those people recognizing that I have done this and appreciating it, I get used as a doormat or otherwise taken advantage of...Of course once that happens, next comes the inevitable confrontation that I then have to contemplate and I will take weeks or sometimes months to say whats on my heart....not good...

I need to find a way to change that about myself...most of the time these circumstances occur in my relationships and when things start to go awry and I am feeling hurt, I tend to be passive. Once the situation gets to the point where I am going downhill it becomes hard to distinguish if its because of the other person...or if its because of me. I let it go on for so long without saying anything...so who ends up being the one to blame? I will be coming back to this subject because this is one part of myself that I need to fully acknowledge and perhaps even change so that I am able to really move forward when I need too...

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