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Friday, May 14, 2010

Blue Pill or Red Pill

Know Thyself, Love Thyself...what does that mean exactly? Many people including myself claim to know who we are, what they want, what they stand for and believe in, what they are capable of good and bad, how they are perceive by others, how they perceive themselves....it goes on really. Is there a really a moment when you are finished getting to know who you are though? Its not like going to school from the time you are 4 years old and graduating in high school with a diploma that says: "Congratulations! You know yourself" could it take a life time? And even if you do know yourself that's just the first part of the formula, do you love yourself for everything you are and everything your not?

Finding that answer, going on that journey is one of the hardest walks I have ever had to take...in fact I am still traveling down that path...and I am so not there yet...But seeing as in 6 days I will be 25, a land marking quarter of a century old- I think its about time that I really take the sheet off the mirrors that I have been hiding from and stare hard into the reflection I have been avoiding for so long. For years I have been the one to give advice and had people and close friends, even family seek me out for help in their lives. Yet I have the worst time following my own advice...and by the time I finally do take the plunge, I cause so much damage to myself by procrastinating and putting others before me. that I am a mess afterwords and have to pick up the shards of shattered glass that I fear has now become my heart.

So its time to decide if I want to take the blue pill. Cheer for the illusion that I am so good at formulating, wake up and remember nothing, life goes on in my mind through rose colored glasses and I see, hear and believe what I want...sounds easy enough. Or I take the red pill and "see how far the rabbit hole goes"
I swallowed the red.

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